Love Given, Unearned
by NuitNoirechan
Summary: Interacting with an unrelated child is different from interacting with one's own child. Will they even love him? That question circles Sidney's mind ceaselessly; it will take more than a few words from Alice to soothe his fears.


**Considering Sidney's past and how he treats Crysta, whom he views as a child, I spent some time dwelling over how he would be with a child of his own. Incorporating his fears was easier for me than dealing with them will be for Alice, who is surely going to have to keep working with him about this, but I can safely say that this fic came out better than I'd expected.**

**If anyone has any questions about why I wrote this as I did or why I think certain things about Sidney Black, I'll happily answer.**

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Finally, _finally_ it was over.

All that waiting, all that stressing, all that work had finally paid off, had finally ended. A sigh of relief was the least of what Sidney wanted to do now- he was emotionally exhausted.

Granted, he hadn't been the one working all the harder these past few time periods, and thus he wasn't the one physically exhausted, but he might was still completely worn out. It was thanks to nerves, worry, concern, and everything else, this weariness.

He couldn't even imagine how Alice felt, except that, for all the exhaustion she had to be feeling, she was beaming. Her gaze moved between him and the little life in her arms, apparently too happy right now to actually say anything, even after almost an hour since first seeing the baby's face.

Sidney sat beside her on the bed, shoulder to shoulder with her. He had yet to stop shaking slightly from anxiety, for even though the child's birth had been not only uncomplicated but apparently one of the smoothest the doctor had seen, he had still been rightfully concerned. Someone as high-strung as him would never be good at dealing with this sort of thing.

For now the newborn slept, letting her parents grow acquainted with how she looked and the concept that this was _their_ daughter, that _they_ would be the ones raising her. As of yet she had not been given a name, but they felt no need to rush with that decision. Or at least Alice didn't- Sidney was still too strung out to really pay it enough mind either way.

"Calm down," Alice told him for at least the fifth time. "You're still shaking, and I'm not handing her to you until you relax. You might drop her in the state you're in."

His response was a look of horror, his head whipping to face her. Alice almost rolled her eyes and laughed, but before she could she caught on to what he was worked up over now. It wasn't the particular notion of dropping his sleeping daughter that frightened him; it was the thought of holding her in the first place. He was terrified of doing anything wrong at all.

"You won't drop her or do something wrong," were Alice's gentle words of reassurance. "I'm right here, you're sitting down, and holding a baby is so easy." It wasn't like he hadn't practiced before, either. "You'll be fine, I promise."

Even so, Sidney gulped. "Not… yet. I will. Just- not yet."

If this was how he'd be around the baby for the time being, she might have to take drastic measures, Alice thought with an inner sigh. Keeping her voice low, she gave him the sternest look she could manage and said, "I am not forcing you to hold her, but she is _your_ child as well and if you're having any difficulty accepting this then I may have to take drastic measures."

"It's- not like that!" His voice had taken on that shrill pitch it always did when he got worked up; thankfully he managed to keep the volume down. "I want to hold her, yet… is it that even a good idea…?"

"Sidney, you're making no sense." A glimmer of what he was thinking, of his real fear, crept into her consciousness, bringing a slight smile to her face. "It's a very good idea. She won't hate you."

At the almost imperceptible tremor that ran through him; yes, that was it. Sidney was not as frightened of doing something to harm his daughter as he was of doing something to make her hate or fear him. He was terrified of being hated by his child- very reasonable, considering his hatred of his own parents and theirs of him.

"I know she has no preconceived notions about appearance and what is 'right' or 'wrong,'" answered the Black Rabbit in a whisper. "Even so, it's something I can't shake." And how could he? His entire life had taught him that there were things not even family could love, that even family could hate you, that just being different was bad…

Alice had come to recognize this over the time she had known the emotionally delicate Rabbit. Perhaps that had been why, during the discussions they had had together in the days following their marriage about a potential family, he had always been both highly interested and hesitant. If there was one thing he never wanted to experience again, it was rejection by someone he held dear or should hold dear.

Perhaps once he had cared about his family. Perhaps that was why he had taken so long to accept that she did love him… why he couldn't fully accept yet that their child would love him.

"She already knows your voice; you're already someone she trusts," Alice told him. "You know she responded to your voice even before she was born."

"That doesn't mean she-"

"It means she'll turn to you before she turns to anyone but me, and only because I'm her mother." She paused. "She won't know how to do anything _but_ love you."

His mouth opened to respond, yet no words came out; taking advantage of that, Sidney's wife went on, "You're only putting yourself down again. Your daughter is already has two loving parents, and will only know how to love- how to love _you_. A child _wants_ to love their parents. Our child may grow to be rebellious, she may be stubborn, she may be strong willed, but she won't hate you."

More extended silence, Sidney's eyes on the sleeping child rather than meeting those of Alice even while she had been speaking to him. At last he opened his mouth again-

"And don't even _consider_ that I'll love you less now that she's here," interrupted Alice. When Sidney's cheeks colored and he shut his mouth, she laughed under her breath to avoid disturbing the baby. "My own mother used to tell me that love is never divided but instead multiplied."

At that last word, the baby Alice held stirred, earning the attention of both young parents. Sleepily the little one's eyes opened, their color the perfectly normal unclear blue of all newborns (or at least newborns from Alice's world). "She can't see anything beyond our faces," murmured Alice as her smile widened.

Sidney's mouth pulled into a sheepish pout as he muttered, "I know that…"

With a deep sigh he reached out; Alice didn't even hesitate before handing over the newborn. Even though it was likely that Sidney expected her to put up a fuss, he still spoke to her, voice soft and encouraging… and she simply stared up at him in fascination.

Everything would be all right.

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**There's a possibility I'll write a sequel to this, but I'd like to ask that people not request one or beg for one. I'm a cynical and contrary person, to my own shame; that kind of thing usually kills my desire TO write such thing. Thanks!**


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